sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
