Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
