Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
