She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
