Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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