You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
