Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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