tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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