It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
