Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
