is your mom at the bar?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
