the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
