you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
