I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
