We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
