I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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