We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
