Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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