I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
