I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
