I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
and you fell through a lawn chair
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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