is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
