theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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