i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
