Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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