Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
