when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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