I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just forgot I was standing up.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
