I skipped work to stalk him.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
