he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
