Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
