i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
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they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
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