just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
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