I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
