My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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