I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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