PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
