wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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