She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
