I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
