Tell her she can't have a vagina
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
