Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Randomize
