Someone shit on the floor
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
