I am puke
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
