You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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