Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Sext me about skeletons
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