He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
