Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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