bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
