You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
