Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I need water and some morals
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
