my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
