Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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