so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
