I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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