I just saw a hot homeless man
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
