NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
