He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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