no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
