Welp...herpes.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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