no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
