i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
