Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
